March 14, 2009

"There Ain't No Cav in Heaven"

An old infantry soldier died and went to Heaven.

At the pearly gates he was greeted by Saint Peter, "Hey! Glad to see you made it! You deserved to come to Heaven and we need more "grunts" up here.

The old grunt smiled and was about to step into Heaven when he stopped and said, "Saint Pete, you don't have any "CAV" up here, do you? They picked on me my whole career, throwing MRE's, beer, and Coke cans at me as they rode by. I hate "CAV"!

"No way!" said Saint Peter. "There ain't no "CAV" here. They stay down at Fiddlers Green.

"So the old grunt stepped into Heaven and immediately saw a gigantic cloud with a gun tube sticking out of it. The old grunt heard all hell breaking loose - girls laughing and screaming. raucous music playing, and bottles breaking. "Hey! That's "CAV"! You lied to me!"

"No, no, no", said Saint Peter. "That's the mechanized infantry."

The old grunt took no more than a few steps when he heard an even louder racket coming from another cloud which had an even bigger gun tube sticking out of it. "That's "CAV"!, he screamed hysterically.

"Calm down", said Saint Peter. "That's the field artillery - the guys that used to bail you out when things got rough on the battlefield."

So the old grunt took another few steps and was immediately confronted by a Kiowa Warrior helicopter screaming around the corner, the gunner hunched over his sights, firing rockets and Hellfire missiles everywhere. The pilot wore a Stetson, was holding a bottle of Jack Daniels in his left hand and a beautiful blond in his right arm. Crossed sabers were painted on the side of the chopper. "CAV! CAV! That's the CAV!", screamed the old grunt.

"NAW", said Saint Peter, "That's GOD. He just thinks He's "CAV".

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