November 23, 2010

Distractions from **Wife of a Wounded Marine**

Wife of a Wounded Marine: Distractions -
On Saturday I had my first Thanksgiving. I'll be having two this year. What more can I say? I am loved. And thank god, because I like Thanksgiving food! The interesting thing is I woke up on Sunday, visited my husbands facebook to tell him I loved him and realized Saturday was the first 20th that didn't pound me like a brick wall. I was so distracted, I didn't even realize what day it was. Part of me is sad about this. I'm afraid of forgetting his face. I don't want to forget him. At the same time, I don't want to hurt. Now I know that day doesn't have to be hell. I will be able to move on with my life and be happy. It's bittersweet. I can't think of another word to describe it. The holidays are going to be interesting. Christmas is going to be hard. Granted, our holidays have always been odd. We were never normal. Maybe it was a good thing. I'm good at dealing with crappy situations as a result. We'll see, maybe I'll be distracted again.

After my week in Syracuse I have been inspired. I don't know where it's going to take me, but I'm going to take what I learned and apply it. Maybe I'll have my own business in a year?? That would be pretty cool. I know what I want to do. Before ALL of this started, when things were simple, this was my ultimate dream. My dreams changed and in most cases disappeared. I want to go back to that. I want to quit taking life so freaking seriously and follow a few of them. Maybe I can make some happen. I have nothing to lose. I mean, I don't even have my sanity anymore. Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic, but really... I'm ready to take a risk for me.

Another thing I'm looking into is volunteering overseas for a couple of weeks. I'm talking to someone about it, but I'm not positive yet. I just feel like I need something to fill in the hole in my heart a bit. Maybe helping others will do that. I've heard sometimes helping others is the best way to help yourself. Maybe it can help me get over myself a bit.

(Big Sigh) Today is so quiet. Why is it that the quiet days always seem so loud? Distractions are my friend.

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