December 28, 2010

Not What I Intended, Total Vent + EDIT from A Little Pink in a World of Camo by Mrs P

A Little Pink in a World of Camo: Not What I Intended, Total Vent + EDIT -
This is not the Christmas post I intended on writing, but I need to vent and I need to vent now. And I know some of the people I'm venting about will read this and that helps a little because I need to get it out in hopes that maybe, just maybe I will be heard.

Why is it that when tragedy strikes, friends think it gives them the entitlement to act like total and complete douchebags? I know I've talked about this before, but it still gets to me and it continues and I am just... I'm angry now. Just about every widow I've talked to... well actually, I don't think there's one who hasn't gone through this... has similar stories. People walking out on them, people being down right mean. What gives?! Is this human nature? To see someone suffering and just be assholes?

I get it. Being friends with a widowed person is not always easy. Did I completely lose my mind? Yes. Did I lose part of myself? Yes. Was I not always the best person? Yes. But I can guarentee that I am trying my fucking best to deal with what I've been given. Having bad days, making what some may think are bad decisions, completely losing your mind - it's all part of this. I didn't just lose my husband, the love of my life, my soul mate. I lost part of myself with him. And with that, I lost the future we'd planned, everything we had hoped for and looked forward to. It's not just a person who isn't there anymore, it's my entire life that is different now, without any say from me. I didn't ask for this.
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