December 29, 2010

On the Down from Letters to You by Chrissy

Letters to You: On the Down -
Yup. That didn't take long at all now did it?

I knew it was bound to happen. Homecoming is soooo soon, 5 years on Saturday, another 2 is around the corner, andddddddddddddddd everyone around me is getting engaged. 2011 is the year I've been waiting for. Instead- no homecoming, no ring, no happily ever after.

My life is still in shambles and I still don't feel like I have started putting it back together. I just want to be happy. To be loved again. That void and pain is so indescribable and unless you're going through it, you don't have an ounce of what it feels like. To hurt so much and long for someone that you can't have. To be scared, confused, lost, alone. To lose friends and feel abandoned by people who promised to be there. To feel for someone else, but want the past. To cry one minute and smile the next. To laugh and to be angry all in the same moment. To get crazy upset with people and their stupid comments. To hurt for every other person you hear of that loses their life. To make best friends with other widows just because you understand each other like sisters. To lose faith and trust in the world yet pray for a happy life and hold out hope that things will get better. It is such a roller coaster and impossible to understand.

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