February 2, 2011

Fueled by Anger

When three becomes two: Fueled by anger -
There are certain things that I can't think about, because if I do I'm a mess. I work so hard to keep myself together, having break downs and crying all the time isn't an option I give myself. So here's to taking a few steps backwards...

I hate that I wasn't there. If I could change one thing (besides the obvious) I would have been there. I would do anything to have been able to just hold Cody. To tell him how proud I was and that it was ok. Tell him how proud Colten was of his daddy, and we'd make it. I force myself to find comfort in knowing who was with him, that his hand was held, and he was with guys that loved him as much as anyone.

The weekend before Cody died, was awful. I had the worst feeling. I was on edge up until they knocked on my door that Tues. and after that it's all a blur.
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