February 9, 2011

This Is It

Letters to You: This is "it" -
At least that's what it feels like. It is so weird being here without you. I have never been here "alone" before. I don't like it. I drive around and see the places we've been. I think about how it was the last time I was here. As soon as I drove in I passed the airport. The last place I was with you.

Everyone is so excited and I'm here to make myself realize a harsh reality. I think about what we would be doing. I'd be crazy nervous about seeing you, waiting for you to text me when you got to Cherry Point, standing and waiting with all of the other girls. Seeing you for the first time after a long seven months. But, no. I'm going to stand back and watch everyone else do that as I walk away with nothing.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I really can't. I'm trying so hard to hold it together, but it is so hard. I know that no one has any idea what to say to me so its just blank stares. I want to get it over with already so I can start taking steps forward. This whole thing has just taken over me. I feel like I have completely lost control over my life. It is seriously making me crazy. I don't even want to think about how the next 24 hours are going to play out.

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